Monday, November 01, 2004

Astronauts In Antarctica

The corporate space race has begun in earnest with reports that media giant SpanCorp plans to launch a manned spacecraft by the end of 2005. SpanCorp’s original plan to send a manned spacecraft to Mars has been scaled back, and executives now hope to land astronauts in Antarctica.

“The potential of commercial space travel is enormous,” says SpanCorp CEO Branford Hennesy. “But Mars turned out to be, among other things, a lot further away than we had thought.”

Antarctica was chosen for its remoteness and, significantly, for the fact that it has not, so far, been conquered by astronauts. As Hennesy says, “Plenty of people have been there, but they haven’t gotten there by spaceship.”

SpanCorp’s proposal involves launching a team of six astronauts into outer space, where they will orbit the Earth for several months before landing and disembarking in Antarctica. There they will conduct various experiments before again blasting off into space, and finally returning to Earth.

“We expect this mission to attract an enormous amount of attention,” says Hennesy. “Antarctica is a land of incredible beauty and mystery, and no astronaut has ever set foot there. We’re going to change that, and in doing so, we’re going to change the world.”

SpanCorp has already invested approximately $250 million in research and development, and has earmarked a total of $12 billion for the project. But despite the company’s enormous resources, the return journey to Antarctica is still fraught with danger.

Just one example: Due to the lack of available anti-gravity facilities, the astronauts-in-training must train for zero gravity in so-called “mime tanks.” In the tanks, trainees simulate the effects of space travel by waving their arms around and making exaggerated faces.

As for Hennesy and SpanCorp, the only way is up, then down, and then back up again. “It’s all about pushing the realms of possibility, and stretching the borders of probability. Once we’ve conquered Antarctica, we can go anywhere.”


Comments:
You know what's really scary? I had to read this twice to make sure it wasn't real. You might think this is because you write well, however I choose to think it's because these days, we believe Americans are retarded enough to do anything.

I could be wrong - totally totally wrong - but something tells me that you'll love the photo on my profile, Mister TV's Kynan Barker.
 
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